Lusting after a more organized photo collection and better catalogued memories lately. One of the projects that I am hoping to finally cross off my list is getting photos into albums, with memories jotted down and also updating Saida’s baby book. I am TERRIBLE at cataloging our memories. My love for paper leads many to believe that I am a scrapbooking pro… but this is sooo not the case. Don’t believe me?? I have had this project on my “long list” since we were married…almost 4 years ago!!!!
I can feel the time slipping away like sand in an hour glass and I know. know.know. that if I don’t get on this now, I never will.
Until I figure out how I am going to do this and cross it off my list, you will probably be hearing a lot about my moments and memories that I am wanting to capture. Partly because it gives me an outlet to deal with this desire without having to actually pull out all the old photos and figure out what to do with them all. But also because I can just feel the moments with Saida slipping away. I am finding myself just wanting to spend every little minute with my cheeky, growing up girl.
Is it because she is growing so fast?
Is it because I am nesting?
Or is it because I can feel that once our new lady arrives, so much of my attention will be diverted, and six months will go by and I will not have noticed all the little nuisances of her big sister?
Ok, that last one makes me cry a little.
She is growing. She won’t stop. There is nothing I can do to slow it down. I am not even sure I want to. But I can’t help this feeling of wanting to grab at all these little moments, bundle them up in my arms lay over the top of them, so they can never escape. Hold them in my white knuckled grip and never let them fly away. Because I know that one day, she will look at me and roll her eyes, and she will want to walk far ahead of me so it doesn’t look like we are together and she will want to keep secrets from me. And I never want to forget now. When she grabs my cheeks in her hands and pulls me in for a kiss and with our faces a mere inch apart, she grins from ear to ear and asks if I will sing shunshine and gora-vise (edelweiss) and tells me by rubbing her nose to mine that she wants to give Eskimo kisses to her baby sister. I always want to remember getting under the damepit (blanket) to watch State Fair on a gloomy rainy day, watching her become instantly memorized by a new musical and singing along to songs that has just heard, wondering if she is always going to like music and dance as much as she does now. I always want to remember the weight of her body so safe and securely resting against mine.
How do I store away that moment yesterday when she grabbed a cake beater and potato masher on the way out the door? I just need to be able to recall how my heart smiled so huge when, after I told her “no, we can’t take these outside,” she gently explained to me that it was raining, and we needed brellas. As she lifted that beater up over her head and handed me the masher to do the same, I decide she has convinced me to rescind my “no,” and off we go, our kitchen utensils turned umbrellas lifted high on a sunny afternoon. I am falling in love with her imagination as she tells all our neighbors about the rain. All of a sudden, things are taking a new shape to her, she take a letter P off the fridge and holds it in her fist with the only the bump at the top exposed, attempting to sing “spoonful of sugar” to the best of her memory. “oh, is that your bird” I say, and she beams with delight.
I am so thankful for this little girl. So over the moon with her. So amazed that my life is so blessed. Some days I just can’t believe that I have this family, this house, this little piece of life to call my own.
So I will be thankful. And follow Christ and look for ways to share it, empty it rather than trying to grip it and hold it all for myself.
And maybe, just maybe, with my pictures in albums or not, I will be able to remember these old moments while drinking in the new beauty that surrounds us where ever life takes us.